Reporting Live from the Battle Field…

That’s right folks. We report on Operation SaaH (rhymes with bah) or Operation Smile at a Hoe from ground zero. Operation SaaH is a clandestine operation suggested by our own Mr. Eric Howton in which I, Tomas Gallucci merely smile at the girls for a week without trying to get a date. The idea was I’d have five phone numbers to pick from by the end of the week.

Well, the week isn’t over yet, but I don’t have phone numbers. Operation SaaH has, however, earned me a big bear hug and an honorable mention, not including lots of flirting. More details to follow as the story continues to unfold.

Live from ground zero, this is Captain Savahoe, Channel WTF.

Quotation of the Week:

I love two dollar whores because they love me.

I’m really confused here Dirk!

This is going to be a long assed entry, so you might want to go get a Scooby snack or two. That said, here goes.

The past thirty-six hours have been nothing but trial by fire. I can’t go into too much detail as the innocent must be protected, but I will digress all in full disclosure in my own good time. In the mean time, if you’re really confused and know that you don’t belong on the shit list, then by all means, drop me a line and ask me what the fuck is going on.

“It all started when I was two…”


Monday, Monday
There’s been a proverbial black rain cloud hanging over my head for quite some time. This may or may not have been apparent in my postings. I’ve been really stressed out about the current project that Blue Portal is bidding. Can’t go into detail about that, but suffice it to say I was really trapped in a corner with no way out; unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then there’s the Arete (I’ve been spelling it wrong.) and the token website I’m supposed to be working on. Oh yeah, let’s not forget about the whole Susan Parish/Claire Forlani thing. We’ll deal with each in order.

First, the Blue Portal Project (BPP). As you know, we’ve had a project that we’ve been bidding for about a month now. I’ve been really stressed out about it because the people that I was the most dependant on have been extremely busy and thus have had little time to dedicate to BPP. Of course, that’s never a good thing when you’re working on a huge project. When my good help did get involved, the first thing that he said was, “I need to go see the location.” This meant contacting my client to set up a meeting so we could get on location and get a rundown of the situation. Well, that was all last week. I didn’t hear from anyone until today. Turns out, we’ve been making this whole thing a bigger deal than what it really is.

This is both a good and bad thing. It’s good because now I know for sure that we can do the work without grasping for straws and our attack strategy be a wing and a prayer. The bad news is that there isn’t going to be much profit or even production to this bid (assuming that we get it—which, as you will soon learn, is practically guaranteed.) However, I’m still lacking information from my help, and this is putting me in great consternation.

While I’m sure that this means nothing to you since I’ve probably confused the living hell out of you by now, I was almost in tears after I got off the phone with my client this morning. In fact, you could hear the sigh in my voice when my client blatantly told me, “I think you’re making this a bigger deal than what it really is.” It was a relief, especially with everything that’s been going on lately (more on that in a moment) but it’s still not over. However, there’s nothing to get ulcers over.



A word on words
As you know, I’ve been talking a lot about the Arete. It’s the layout project that I’ve been working on/worrying over for the past three weeks to a month. Well, I finally got all the pieces I needed to lay the damned thing out sometime last week. I’ve only got three pages layed out of about thirty-two. I said I’d have it done this weekend. The reason I haven’t had it done is that I’ve been having to get up early to be at the Grill early and then work all day, so by the time I get home, I just don’t have the cycles for it. Well, maybe I’ll have it layed out in the next forty-eight hours and then all I’ll have to do is shop it sometime next week with the local printers in town. The information of note here is the fact that during a recent conversation, I was told that I would probably be receiving the full stipend since the old layout editor can’t be gotten a hold of. w00t! w00t!

As far as the token website goes, that’s just an hour’s worth of work at the most and I was told that there was not rush, so I’ll get to it either this weekend or the beginning of next week. Four lines of text, one picture, no Javascript or CSS. How difficult can it be, no?



You’re…you’re Joe
So yeah, about the whole Claire Forlani thing. For those of you who can’t keep up, (Susan Parish == Claire Forlani). Got it now? In order to properly understand the story, you must know all the facts.

• I met here at the Grill.
• We both work there.
• There were indications that she liked me.
• I called her without her giving me her number and she didn’t freak out and call the cops or call me a pervert or anything.
• I asked if she wanted to go have dinner (just the two of us) at a restaurant in town after having made said phone call.
• She said yes.
• This was a really good indicator that she liked me.
• The night of the “date”, she was really sick when I walked in to check on her to see what time the festivities would officially be getting under way.
• She canceled after she got off of work and had taken a shower.
• During her cancellation phone call, she said she’d see me in two weeks because she was going to New York to see her family.
• Willing to blindly believe that because this was her first semester her parents would be willing to spend the money, I accepted this as further proof that she liked me.
• A lot of close friends told me that she was probably bullshitting me about New York.
• She wasn’t at work the weekend that she said she wasn’t going to be there. This was confirmation that she hadn’t lied to me.
• She came back from New York and was at work the following weekend. She told me that she didn’t realize how homesick she was until she stood in her home and it seemed like a strange place.
• Almost immediately, I started phishing out her schedule for that (last) weekend.
• After a series of needling questions, she said (in what seemed an act of frustration) that she was going to go hang out at her boyfriend’s house that Saturday evening.
• I took the news rather well and do believe that it was the best acting job that I’ve ever done since the night couldn’t immediately end since there was more work to be done.
• We had a pleasant conversation the following day in which I discovered that she won’t be going home ’till New Year’s. Something about she’s going to be in France for Christmas.
• I think that she still likes me.
• I doubt that she has a boyfriend…in town.


So, herein lies my dilemma. Did I miss a cue to be a man and step up to the plate? (i.e. was she insinuating that she was wanting to hang out with me?)

I think that I owe her an apology for being reckless. I also think that I should tell her straight up how I feel about her. I propose the following text:

Tomas

I’ve made a big mistake. The trouble is, I don’t know how to fix my mistake without making the exact same mistake again.

Claire Forlani

(looking at me like I’m from another planet)

Tomas

I’m glad we meet. I really am. But you see, I’m a stupid, reckless ass and I’ve botched things up. The truth is, I like you. I like you a lot. So if that boyfriend of yours turns out to be a bigger ass then me, whadya say to a second chance?

Now I know that there are those of you out there (not naming any names) that would say that because she brought up her boyfriend—real or not—she, in a roundabout way, told me no. No means no, and therefore, by making the above proposed speech, it would be the equivalent of rape.

I also know that there are those of you out there who say that no, this is all good and proper and is actually a win-win situation, reasoning being thus: If she does have a boyfriend, I do acknowledge them as a couple and therefore have not done anything inappropriate, just borderline stupid. On the other hand, if it was just a tool of frustration to get me to shut the hell up, then nothing is lost.

Date doctors, you advice is welcomed. One question that I do have if you opinion is of the affirmative is that of timing. Should I wait, or do this as soon as possible (after testing the waters of course!)




And now for your feature presentation
I received a rather disturbing document in the mail yesterday. It was a card stating that I had a certified letter, I wasn’t at home at the time of delivery, and that I could pick it up at the post office. Turns out it was the checks from Dillard’s.

As soon as I got them, I put them in the bank, put gas in the car, took a friend out for lunch to do some emotional eating while having suicidal depression and spent almost all of the checks’ worth doing so.

While at the eating establishment, I received an even more disturbing phone call that almost made me commit the act right then and there. Suffice it to say I didn’t invest any emotional energy into that call, thus avoiding further duress. I swear. People must be either really stupid or just don’t know what “Don’t write, don’t call, don’t stop by” really means. Asses.

Well, I concur with Eric on this one: we’re both surprised that the last entry didn’t garner more comments then what it did, so here’s to hoping that this entry does. Give your advice with all haste, for I will need it and need it soon. Date doctors arise!

P. S. I am actually making it through the Lord of the Ring series, something that I vowed I’d never do.

Dannit! Damnit! Damnit! Damnit to Hell! When am I ever gonna learn? Well Howton, you’re right again, and this makes me feel…exasperated. In case you’re wondering what your right about, I’ll refer you to the post you made about everything that happens being life.

Bet you can figure out what’s happened, but suffice it to say that Claire Forlani/Susan Parish turned me down. I swear to God I try to fucking hard.

From now on, there is a way to tell if I am trying to hook up with someone, and that is the presence or absence thereof of the Zoo poster on my wall.

On a related note, the bids are going shittly as well, and it’s dubious if there will be enough money at the end of the month again

P.S. I like the old cover better, which is why I bought it from Best Buy the other day instead of wasting time on the 15 year Anniversary edition, but supposedly the 15 year has a lot more special features. We shall see…

Quotation of the Week
In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Thoughts on quotation of the week
I believe that I am about to approach step one on this course of action.

BUDDY 1

I’ve heard the voice of Satan.

BUDDY 2

Oh really. What does it sound like?

BUDDY 1

My dad. (pauses) I’ve heard the voice of God too.

BUDDY 2

What does his voice sound like?

BUDDY 1
(sighing)

My dad.

Work was intolerable Saturday. It wasn’t rough, it was the fact that I was there for twelve hours and had to be back early this morning. But enough of that. A girl who has, by no mistake of her own, given Beth good reason to believe that she does in fact like me to some degree or another, is in fact in New York this weekend, thus allowing me to continue my little game with her upon her safe return.

While at work, I rolled silverware all day near the back door that was propped open. Since the weather has taken a turn for the colder, it made me reflect a lot on the Christmas season and how nice it would be to have someone to snuggle with this year. Suffice it to say that since I have, as of yet, failed to procure such a highly sought after object of affection, it did depress me much, especially as I did reflect on the Christmas play that Anna directed. That was the time of my life, and I doubt that I will ever see such again.

Today’s (Saturday’s) meditation consisted of walking down tar-paved paths, walking down dirt-paved paths—hell, walking down paths. All leaf-covered too! I thought about wanting to own my own home with a fireplace and spending hours on end snuggling with my chicky baby whist staring into the fire, the two of us just growing old together. Alas, as someone who once was in my small circle of friends observed, “I don’t ever see Tomas getting married.” Well, I hate for her to be right, but I know that it would be wrong of me to think otherwise. Yes folks, the Christmas depression has started early this year. In fact, as I type this, I am listing to Christmas music.

On pertinent matters, I am still lacking pictures for the Arte, but suffice it to say that I have enough that I can get started, and will do so either this evening or tomorrow. The website is a joke, but I need to go ahead and get it put together so I can get paid for it. Eric, I’ll let you know as soon as it’s done, and you may state your terms of acceptance, if there are to be any. On the bids—suffice it to say I am going to have to light many fires under many asses, and these fires aren’t the kind you stare at for hours while your are snuggling with your chicky baby.

It is so difficult to get used to a new keyboard.

Weeping may endure for a moment, but joy commeth in the morning.


Today (Friday) has been an interesting day. To be brief about the day’s events, last night I had finished watching a movie when suddenly it was discovered that every time I pressed the CTRL key, my homepage would open. I thought that it was a virus or recently misconfigured setting, so I used several restore points, needless to say, to no avail. In fact, I was almost late to work this morning from obsessing over my problem. This afternoon it was troubleshooted to be a faulty keyboard. Therefore, I set out to purchase a new one so that it would match the computer. This lead to many difficulties.

First, when the new keyboard got home, it was USB, not PS/2. This created many problems, the least of which being that all PS/2 ports quit working as did all USB ports. Consulting with John, I had come to the conclusion that I had a bad motherboard. However, tinkering with things a little longer finally lead to results such that everything now works, though we will hold out suspicion on the motherboard for many days.

I think I got overcharged for the keyboard. Ah, the joys of credit cards.



Ode to the Keyboard

Hands
Reaching out
Touch-typing me
Touch-typing you
Sweet keyboard
Your keys never felt so good
I’ve been inclined to believe they never would

Thank God for Kids
Well, it turns out that Susan Parish didn’t tell anyone at the Grill that she was going out of town. While the GM was understandably miffed, he wasn’t talking about firing her and she definitely wasn’t there last night, so it looks like I’m still in business.

Love Hurts…The Everly Brothers were sooooo right.

Dear readers, I have a most perplexing problem. Susan Parish may not have a job much longer, and I feel that I am to blame. When getting my schedule for this week (to which I might add that I got fucked on), I noticed that she had been scheduled for this weekend. However, she is supposed to be in New York for Fall Break. I almost called her about it yesterday, but decided against it, fearing that it would be trite and needless, thus finally putting a strain on our as yet non-existent relationship. Now I wished I had, for if she is a no show three days, things could get nasty. My reasoning was she should be intelligent enough to make sure to tell a manager that she will be out of town.

There is, however, one saving grace. Starting this week, there was a change in who made out the schedule, so, if she had written it down in the book, she can claim that it was his fuck up. Something tells me there are dark days ahead. My only fear is that she didn’t.

The game plan is to pretend that I never saw her schedule and not discuss it when she comes back. Of course, that would be dishonest.

Thoughts on course of action are greatly appreciated.

EDIT:
There has been many perplexing developments today. As divulged earlier, I had feared for Susan Parish’s duration of employment at Macaroni Grill. Well, the plot thickens.

You see, it doesn’t fiscally make sense for her to have gone to New York for just a weekend, so there is much concern that she is bluffing. Of course, that would be easy to detect since she would be at work this weekend. Since I was unable to attend Macaroni Grill during the period of time she was scheduled for, I can not verify if she was there tonight or not. However, I will be able to verify the rest of the weekend. Therefore, if she is gone, there is a way to save face and get a multitude of dates, particularly if I need to step in and save her job.

Conversely, if she is at Macaroni Grill at the appointed hour tomorrow or Saturday evening, I shall know that it was a not-so-clever bluff, and, in the opinion of a dear and trusted friend, know that, based on her excuse, she is a whore and has slept with many boys in her high school career.

However, there is ample evidence to suggest that she will not be at the appointed place at the appointed hour. For example, she is eighteen years of age and this is her first semester in college. Add to this the fact that a lot of money is coming from somewhere to pay the out of state tuition fees along with the housing costs, it therefore becomes easy to contrive a scenario that one of her relatives has the money to spend on having Miss Parish brought back to New York for the weekend. Even a bout of homesickness could have caused amply purchasing power to be hastily gathered to cure said illness.

Therefore, the conclusion is that I might have the chance to play my role as Captain Savahoe. At the suggestion of a dear and trusted friend, regardless of whether or not she is in town, I will more than likely get a date out of the entire debacle. I look forward to escorting Miss Forlani on a romantic adventure.

P.S. Blue Portal picked up a client late last night. We will produce a person of talent in return for the free advertising that would be garnered by releasing their record on our label, as well as the garrulous word of mouth that he would herald.

It’s official. At 1700 yesterday afternoon (Tuesday) Blue Portal officially came into exsistance. This is a big fuck you to those of you unsupportive assholes out there who said it couldn’t be done and who told me I was dreaming. You may contact the State of Alabama to verify this information. Again, this is a personal fuck you to all unsupportive assholes.

P.S. If you care to make donations to the company, you may make checks payable to Blue Portal and email me for an address to send said checks to.