October 19, 2005

• I’m really confused here Dirk!
  
  This is going to be a long assed entry, so you might want to go get a Scooby snack or two. That said, here goes.
  
  The past thirty-six hours have been nothing but trial by fire. I can’t go into too much detail as the innocent must be protected, but I will digress all in full disclosure in my own good time. In the mean time, if you’re really confused and know that you don’t belong on the shit list, then by all means, drop me a line and ask me what the fuck is going on.
  
  “It all started when I was two…”
  
  
  Monday, Monday
  There’s been a proverbial black rain cloud hanging over my head for quite some time. This may or may not have been apparent in my postings. I’ve been really stressed out about the current project that Blue Portal is bidding. Can’t go into detail about that, but suffice it to say I was really trapped in a corner with no way out; unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then there’s the Arete (I’ve been spelling it wrong.) and the token website I’m supposed to be working on. Oh yeah, let’s not forget about the whole Susan Parish/Claire Forlani thing. We’ll deal with each in order.
  
  First, the Blue Portal Project (BPP). As you know, we’ve had a project that we’ve been bidding for about a month now. I’ve been really stressed out about it because the people that I was the most dependant on have been extremely busy and thus have had little time to dedicate to BPP. Of course, that’s never a good thing when you’re working on a huge project. When my good help did get involved, the first thing that he said was, “I need to go see the location.” This meant contacting my client to set up a meeting so we could get on location and get a rundown of the situation. Well, that was all last week. I didn’t hear from anyone until today. Turns out, we’ve been making this whole thing a bigger deal than what it really is.
  
  This is both a good and bad thing. It’s good because now I know for sure that we can do the work without grasping for straws and our attack strategy be a wing and a prayer. The bad news is that there isn’t going to be much profit or even production to this bid (assuming that we get it—which, as you will soon learn, is practically guaranteed.) However, I’m still lacking information from my help, and this is putting me in great consternation.
  
  While I’m sure that this means nothing to you since I’ve probably confused the living hell out of you by now, I was almost in tears after I got off the phone with my client this morning. In fact, you could hear the sigh in my voice when my client blatantly told me, “I think you’re making this a bigger deal than what it really is.” It was a relief, especially with everything that’s been going on lately (more on that in a moment) but it’s still not over. However, there’s nothing to get ulcers over.
  
  
  
  A word on words
  As you know, I’ve been talking a lot about the Arete. It’s the layout project that I’ve been working on/worrying over for the past three weeks to a month. Well, I finally got all the pieces I needed to lay the damned thing out sometime last week. I’ve only got three pages layed out of about thirty-two. I said I’d have it done this weekend. The reason I haven’t had it done is that I’ve been having to get up early to be at the Grill early and then work all day, so by the time I get home, I just don’t have the cycles for it. Well, maybe I’ll have it layed out in the next forty-eight hours and then all I’ll have to do is shop it sometime next week with the local printers in town. The information of note here is the fact that during a recent conversation, I was told that I would probably be receiving the full stipend since the old layout editor can’t be gotten a hold of. w00t! w00t!
  
  As far as the token website goes, that’s just an hour’s worth of work at the most and I was told that there was not rush, so I’ll get to it either this weekend or the beginning of next week. Four lines of text, one picture, no Javascript or CSS. How difficult can it be, no?
  
  
  
  You’re…you’re Joe
  So yeah, about the whole Claire Forlani thing. For those of you who can’t keep up, (Susan Parish == Claire Forlani). Got it now? In order to properly understand the story, you must know all the facts.
  
  • I met here at the Grill.
  • We both work there.
  • There were indications that she liked me.
  • I called her without her giving me her number and she didn’t freak out and call the cops or call me a pervert or anything.
  • I asked if she wanted to go have dinner (just the two of us) at a restaurant in town after having made said phone call.
  • She said yes.
  • This was a really good indicator that she liked me.
  • The night of the “date”, she was really sick when I walked in to check on her to see what time the festivities would officially be getting under way.
  • She canceled after she got off of work and had taken a shower.
  • During her cancellation phone call, she said she’d see me in two weeks because she was going to New York to see her family.
  • Willing to blindly believe that because this was her first semester her parents would be willing to spend the money, I accepted this as further proof that she liked me.
  • A lot of close friends told me that she was probably bullshitting me about New York.
  • She wasn’t at work the weekend that she said she wasn’t going to be there. This was confirmation that she hadn’t lied to me.
  • She came back from New York and was at work the following weekend. She told me that she didn’t realize how homesick she was until she stood in her home and it seemed like a strange place.
  • Almost immediately, I started phishing out her schedule for that (last) weekend.
  • After a series of needling questions, she said (in what seemed an act of frustration) that she was going to go hang out at her boyfriend’s house that Saturday evening.
  • I took the news rather well and do believe that it was the best acting job that I’ve ever done since the night couldn’t immediately end since there was more work to be done.
  • We had a pleasant conversation the following day in which I discovered that she won’t be going home ’till New Year’s. Something about she’s going to be in France for Christmas.
  • I think that she still likes me.
  • I doubt that she has a boyfriend…in town.
  
  
  So, herein lies my dilemma. Did I miss a cue to be a man and step up to the plate? (i.e. was she insinuating that she was wanting to hang out with me?)
  
  I think that I owe her an apology for being reckless. I also think that I should tell her straight up how I feel about her. I propose the following text:

  
  
  
  

  Tomas

  
  
  

  I’ve made a big mistake. The trouble is, I don’t know how to fix my mistake without making the exact same mistake again.

  
  
  
  
  

  Claire Forlani

  
  
  

  (looking at me like I’m from another planet)

  
  
  
  
  

  Tomas

  
  
  

  I’m glad we meet. I really am. But you see, I’m a stupid, reckless ass and I’ve botched things up. The truth is, I like you. I like you a lot. So if that boyfriend of yours turns out to be a bigger ass then me, whadya say to a second chance?

  
  
  
  
  

  Now I know that there are those of you out there (not naming any names) that would say that because she brought up her boyfriend—real or not—she, in a roundabout way, told me no. No means no, and therefore, by making the above proposed speech, it would be the equivalent of rape.
  
  I also know that there are those of you out there who say that no, this is all good and proper and is actually a win-win situation, reasoning being thus: If she does have a boyfriend, I do acknowledge them as a couple and therefore have not done anything inappropriate, just borderline stupid. On the other hand, if it was just a tool of frustration to get me to shut the hell up, then nothing is lost.
  
  Date doctors, you advice is welcomed. One question that I do have if you opinion is of the affirmative is that of timing. Should I wait, or do this as soon as possible (after testing the waters of course!)
  
  
  
  
  And now for your feature presentation
  I received a rather disturbing document in the mail yesterday. It was a card stating that I had a certified letter, I wasn’t at home at the time of delivery, and that I could pick it up at the post office. Turns out it was the checks from Dillard’s.
  
  As soon as I got them, I put them in the bank, put gas in the car, took a friend out for lunch to do some emotional eating while having suicidal depression and spent almost all of the checks’ worth doing so.
  
  While at the eating establishment, I received an even more disturbing phone call that almost made me commit the act right then and there. Suffice it to say I didn’t invest any emotional energy into that call, thus avoiding further duress. I swear. People must be either really stupid or just don’t know what “Don’t write, don’t call, don’t stop by” really means. Asses.
  
  Well, I concur with Eric on this one: we’re both surprised that the last entry didn’t garner more comments then what it did, so here’s to hoping that this entry does. Give your advice with all haste, for I will need it and need it soon. Date doctors arise!
  
  P. S. I am actually making it through the Lord of the Ring series, something that I vowed I’d never do.

  
  

  • 1:44 am
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