Pimp to Pimp

Slandingo

That bitch pisses me off so much, she makes me want to slap her with a toothpick.

Capt. Savahoe

Why slap the hoe with a toothpick? That don’t hurt.

Slandingo

It’s the pimpology of the whole thing! Hurt a hoe’s pride.

A boggering blog-er-ing

Thank you Sons of the Pioneers.

Just a few things to clear up/catch up: Eric, I know that my posts are becoming tedious. So is being inside of my head. Dan, thank you for voicing your appreciation. And I heartily concur with you about productivity and creative outlets.

As for the rest of things, well, it’s been a blue funk of a weekend. So I’m now working for a company that I’m too prideful to name on my blog. Even my parents were shocked to hear that I had acquired work from said company. Be that as it may, my intentions are to either milk it for it’s worth hour wise for the present—until I get past the bills and projects at the end of the month and then go out and find a “real job”—thus retaining the option to stay where I’m at currently as part-time for extra cash flow, or hopefully get a call from Comfort Group sometime in the next two weeks. Something tells me that the latter won’t happen, and that the harsh reality of the matter is I am stuck working at a place I used to disdain the employees of said establishment.

In the words of Beth, Karma’s a bitch.

A Living Dog is Better than a Dead Lion
I know, I know. You’re probably wondering what in the sam Hell I’m doing blogging at a quarter ‘till 1100 on Turkey Day while that the folks. Where’s the respect, no?

Words have the power of influence. Used correctly, they can paint a picture so vivid and poignant that you actually suspend belief and imagine yourself in another world. That’s power. How much stronger are words when they are brought to life via storytelling…visual storytelling? So I’m a douche for thinking that I could do so, yet it’s the only thing that puts the bounce in the step, the colors in the rainbow, the passion in romance.

I have a plan. If—and that’s a big if mind you—if I get the/a job in Nashville, I can stay there for a couple of months and in the interim be doing the research and necessary paperwork to get into film school. Kinda wanted to prove that I didn’t need school…it seems but a necessary evil, a cross to bear.

An observation of late: I have discovered that I am writing more via my blog, especially since having moved to Macaroni Grill. For some reason, in the short term I don’t seem to care that it’s public; the players that I write about are oblivious to what I write. Those who do know about either don’t care of have come to the conclusion that I just don’t give a damn and hence enjoy my blog for the minimal and mild entertainment value that it holds. Eric had a good idea methinks about using my blog to vent. Recently, I discovered that I can now type 60 WPM; I always have a lot to say and my blog doesn’t bitch back at me no matter how much I ramble on; and perhaps the simple fact that blogging requires computers and is therefore easily accessible, maintainable, etc. etc. has encouraged me to continue the trend.

I mentioned all that to say this: a thought has occurred to me of late. Since I seem to like to write on my blog, it has gotten me to sit my fat lazy back orfice in front of my computer and actually—God forbid—write. (Much kudos should come from Timon on this point. So, my thought has been that once I get the Arête done, and since I’m not in school, I can spend additional time writing scripts and books when I sit down to work on my blog. This is my most productive idea yet; the only thing that would make this idea perfect is if I actually got the job in Nashville (or something of that pay scale here) i.e. I’d be able to not only support myself but also dig out of the hole that I’ve dug for myself (go figure!). In spare moments, I’d write, and if nothing else when the equipment, personnel and money were in place, I’d have material to work with without the hassle of the flummery of royalty dances.

After thoroughly getting lost in that stream of consciousness, the new attack plan is thus: get dough rolling in, research and get my ass in film school by fall, and take the spare time in the interim to create and write. So you see Dan, I’ve been keeping what you said near and dear to my heart—it just had to go through a period of gestation.

Down in the Valley

I don’t know why I blog, but suddenly I’ve become addicted. I actually enjoy blogging. Remember that episode of Doogie Howser, M.D. where he’s typing away on his computer and says that his Dad bought him a computer and that in exchange he had to keep a journal on it? Well, I’ve always wanted to do just that and blogging has provided me with the opportunity, even perhaps one better. Because blogs were designed with communities in mind, we’re allowed to comment on them and hence not only do we record our memories and feelings but we get a chance to have interaction on said feelings and memories, good or bad. I’ve also noticed my posts are becoming generally longer too…

Now that that’s off my chest…
So here I sit at the peeps waiting to get tired enough to go to sleep. Don’t know if I’ll be staying the night or not, but I do know that I need to get in town early so I can get that computer fixed. (The memory didn’t come before I had to head out to Culman.) So I need to get up to Huntsville, get the memory, put it in and take him his box.

Other things to do in Huntsville include completing the Arête. I really enjoyed Sunni’s party and have found out that she’s a really good friend. Thus, I hate to leave Huntsville, but then again where Comfort Group calls with large stacks of cash I will follow.

A word on Cullman…
It was great getting to actually be in the room with Jesse again. Probably won’t happened again for another six months. That boy is way to busy. Enjoyed myself at his place too, but we shot the shit instead of talking business. Oh well. This too has passed. Oh yeah, Blue Portal is very possibly going to be dissolved around the first of the year…we’ll have to have our meeting at which I’ll be the only attendee.

…and Snead too
Had a great time smoking with Timon and getting to meet his new girlfriend. Pissed his sister off immensely thought I think. Well, it doesn’t really matter now; I don’t have anything for her anymore and she never had anything for me. If she wants to bitch, she can go right ahead…and go to hell too. (Just had to throw that last part in for completeness.)

Reflections
When I went to bed last night, I was thinking to myself that I should seek to be a good son even though it’s almost too late for that. Guess I had the post from a few days back on my mind and therefore thought about taking the folks out for lunch today, but they were both too busy.

Speaking of the folks, I can’t believe that I just got them to watch Man on Fire. There wasn’t a whole lot of praise or whopla, but they enjoyed it nevertheless. So now that everyone’s went to bed and I’m awake all by my lonesome, all I can do is hear the music in my head and be depressed.

Had a fleeting thought sitting here as I was checking my facebook.. Just the normal wave of depression of not having anyone to caress and dote upon this Holiday Season. Maybe it’s for the best that I don’t have anyone. Perhaps I’m just not ready for it. Could be that I just suck that much and the observation that I’ll stay single all my days may just hold true.

So the girl that I was interested in indeed does have a boyfriend and she seems to be quite happy with him. I’m happy for them. Maybe I’ll have the distinct honor and privilege of taping their weeding. Oh God, why don’t I just let it go. I should just let it go. But like so many other relationships I’ve dreamed myself into, I can’t seem to dream out of this one.

Dream: let’s go do that right now.

Una palabra no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
igual que el viento que esconde el agua
como las flores que esconde el lodo.

Una mirada no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo dice todo
como la lluvia sobre tu cara
o el viejo mapa de algun tesoro.

Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo.

Si un dia me faltas no sere nada
y al mismo tiempo lo sere todo
porque en tus ojos estan mis alas
y esta la orilla donde me ahogo,
porque en tus ojos estan mis alas
y esta la orilla donde me ahogo.

Translation

A word does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that mud hides.

A glance does not say anything
And at the same time it says everything
Like rain on your face
Or an old treasure map

A truth does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that does not go out
Like a stone that is born dust.

If one day you need me, I will be nothing
And at the same time I will be everything
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown

At home with the peeps!

What to do? What to do? What do you do when you want to help someone and know how to help someone and even perhaps have the resources to help someone and yet they don’t want your help?

Dad’s box went down…it was my old one. Same thing that happened the last time. The drives seem to be going bad again…I think it’s the BIOS. John says that Western Digital drives go bad from time to time and don’t make for server drives…this drive is four years old so maybe it’s time has come, but still, I have more faith in WD than that. Because I think it’s the motherboard, somehow I convinced Dad to get another box…

He just walked in and now he wants me to put one together for him…or at least price it with a 20” LCD screen.

Mom got a demo for Finale but still has no MIDI port…she’ll find that she’ll need the memory to go with the sound card cause she’s running 256 MB on XP home with about 20 background processes…not gonna happen any time soon.

Off to build a box. Laterz.

Quotations of the Week
If I were a sentimentalist, I’d be touched.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.

The fuck up of the b0x3n

DISCLAIMER: For those of you who don’t like or care about computers, you might want to skip this section.

Ok, so my b0x3n has been acting really weird lately. About a month or so ago, my keyboard bit the dust in a most interesting way. Every time I’d hit the CTR key, it would send the signal for the Homepage key (it’s a multifunction keyboard) as well. It was PS/2. A few tests indicated that PS/2 was shot…bad mobo? Maybe.

After getting ripped off by CompUSA (the shelf price was $12something, I paid $21 in all and didn’t realize my fox pa until after I had gotten home), the problem was solved. I now type on a Viewsonic keyboard vs. a Turbo keyboard. I loved the Turbo’s sound, but I like the Viewsonic’s feel much better.

Well, today I was working on a clients b0x3n, via a KVM switch. What do you think happened? To keep you from guessing, when I would switch to his computer, things would run great. (It should be noted that I had to boot his computer with KVM focus on his b0x3n because otherwise my Viewsonic monitor would complain that his computer was out of range. The funny thing is, his b0x3n is running at a much lower resolution and bit depth then mine is. I thought it was weird too, so…) But when I switched back to my b0x3n, blank screen…even the little green light was orange indicating no signal. Hook the monitor up directly to my b0x3n, still no signal. Direct to my client’s, signal. The only way I can restore signal is to turn the monitor off and do a hard restart on the box. Not a good solution.

This evening, I took a friend out for dinner. While we were gone, the power went out. When I got back and booted up my b0x3n, the splash screen from the BIOS worked just fine as did GRUB. (I’m dual booting, though I need to just reclaim the space from Fedora Core 1 since I never use it.) But as soon as we get to the Windows XP loading screen, instead of the little bar that annoyingly crosses the screen, I get Nintendo garbled graphics on the side in the horizontal range of where the bar should be. Then the box freezes. NOT GOOD!!!

I boot into Safe Mode. When the login prompt comes up, the entire screen is doing the whole Nintendo garbled graphics thing…weird! Even better is when booting into Linux. Similar issues. Booting XP normally as well as Linux result in system lockups. Safe Mode didn’t lock, but what good is a garbled screen?

Call John to get a second opinion. We agree that it sounds like the video card is going. So I head out to CompUSA to get a card before taking my b0x3n apart…this occurred circa 1900. I arrived at CompUSA 1930. The idea was to have a card that I could swap with even if I didn’t need it so that if indeed it was the video card, I would at least have a test piece for the night. If it was the mobo, I would have been fucked anyway. It would have sucked to have to take the box apart and reassemble.

Get back and set up a work area. Test the b0x3n one more time…still problematic. Pull the card out of the AGP slot and reseat it. Boots fine. Add an Ethernet cable, system craps out. On the reboot everything’s fine. Package the box. Add the external module of the Audigy2 Platinum EX. Still no problems. Add USB connectors, all systems green and go. Apparently my computer just wanted some attention.

So here I sit with the unopened $162 PNY AGP 8X nVidia GeForce 6200 64 bit 256MB DDR card. I want the money back, but it’d be sweet to have this card. Not that I have a need for it now, but it does DVI out and is HD compatible. I think I’d rather take the card back and get 2GB of memory. Any thoughts on what to do?

Reflection on my Romance Life
Many of you were, I’m sure, flabbergasted by yesterday’s post. If you haven’t figured it out, the key is in the last paragraph. I’ll spare you the laborious details, but suffice it to say that after receiving much grief in the form of reciprocal advice that I gave a close friend about his girl problems, I too had to take my advice which wasn’t fun. Fortunately, I found out what I needed to know without doing anything stupid for a change. Don’t know why I hurt so yesterday, but by the time I went to bed yesterday, there was but a doubt. This morning confirmed it.

Oh yeah, btw, Chris kidnapped me last night. Chris, you’re a good friend even if I do say “fuck you” all the time. Just ask Timon if that’s the norm. Oh yeah, you should really get a Xanga so you can comment on mine and publicly tell me to go to hell. Thanx for watching my back little buddy. You’re a great guy no matter what certain females say about you.

So for those of you who remember the Butterfly post, if you know of any girl who’d fit that description who would put up with a looser like me even through my shiftiest moments, send her my way…—Uh, correction—send me a picture with her phone number and tell her to sit by the fone.

For the Record
Just so this is publicly know, I’m on good terms with the ‘rents now and will be spending Tuesday evening, Wednesday and Turkey Day with them. If you don’t like it, you can shove it. The old man’s a good man, even if he doesn’t give me the advice I want to hear. I mean, yeah I can cuss him out on my blog and call him a dirty rat bastard and a son-of-a-bitch if I choose, but if you so much as think it, I’ll kill you and tell God that you had a heart attack. He’ll believe me too.

Also for the record: I know how to correctly spell phone, but since phone already has a ph and thus can’t be phreaked, it becomes fone ’cause it’s kewler that way. Biatch!

Itenary
Go to orientation for the new job @ 0900. Hopefully the memory for my client’s box will be delivered by the time I come back, and so I’ll install it and deliver the box. Spend a couple of hours with Jesse in Cullman, get in after 2200, wake up, do clothes, hang out with Timon and have a cigar, maybe get the folks to do a movie, at some point Wednesday or Turkey Day, sike Dad into a game or two of Shanghi Rummy, visit with the family, eat turkey, drive back, be at work Friday @ 1500. Work on Arete Friday. Gotta get that damned thing done.

Random thoughts
This Holiday season has already been extremely difficult to not have someone to intimately share it with. Depression started on October 1. They started playing Christmas music on the radio all day starting last Monday. Classic Collection closed. I could get together with an old flame (not that she’d have me nor would it go well)…I just want someone that I can love like crazy who’ll love me the same way back. Even film is secondary to this desire. Call me chauvinist, but I think that I need to successfully love a woman who will help me become successful by being there as my morale support. Maybe that’s the missing key in all of this. Richard and Stefani are so happy with each other and are making great parents. John and Beth are working out really well. Hell, even Timon has a girl. It seems like every one I know is happily involved with someone. Perhaps I graduated early only to come to the party late.

God has bestowed me with great friends and a good family. If only I’d taken advantage of this four years ago.

JFK

What kind of a peace do we seek? I’m talking about genuine peace. The kind of peace that makes life on earth worth living. Not merely peace in our time, but peace in all time.

Our problems are man made, therefore they can be solved by man. For in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future. And we are all mortal.

To be or not to be?—That is the question:

It isn’t to be.

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

We can’t help but suffer.

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them.

When woes come, they come not as single spies, but in battalions.

To die, to sleep—no more—and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to—’tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

Wherefore I praised the dead which are already dead more than the living which are yet alive. Yea, better is he than both they, which hath not yet been, who hath not seen the evil work that is done under the sun.

To die, to sleep. To sleep perchance to dream.

Imagine there’s no heaven

Aye, there’s the rub!

The best laid plans of mice and men

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause.

The mind can make a hell out of heaven or a heaven out of hell.

There’s the respect that makes that makes calamity of so long life.

Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You’re a slave to money then you die

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time?

O, that this too too solid flesh would melt
Thaw and resolve itself into a dew!
Or that the Everlasting had not fix’d
His canon ‘gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!

The oppressor’s wrong, the proud contumely

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.

The pangs of despised love

She loves me, she love me not.
Unable to stay, unwilling to leave.
“It doesn’t matter what I am. You know who I am”
So near, and yet so far.
Through the tears in my eyes, I see you in all your beauty from afar.
Mother Earth and Father Time.
“You’ve been eating potato chips the same way for thirty years. For thirty years.”

Say you’ll share with me
One love, one lifetime . . .
Lead me, save me
from my solitude . . .
Say you want me with you,
here beside you . . .
Anywhere you go
let me go too -
Christine
that’s all I ask of . . .

For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: “It might have been!”

The law’s delay

Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.

The insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes

And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.

When he himself might his own quietus make with a bare bodkin.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Who would fardels bear o grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that that the dread of something after death

Fear is a great motivator.

The undiscovered country from whose bourn no traveler returns

Hell on earth before hell in Hell.

Puzzles the will and makes us rather bear those ills we have then fly to others that we know not of.

LA vs. Huntsville, Damnit!!!!!!!

Thus conscience doth make cowards of us all

Hence, the non-action of last night.

And thus, the native hue of resolution is sicklied over with the pale cast of thought

Fear of death vs. fear of failure keep me in The Town I Love So Well

And enterprises of great pitch and moment with this regard their currents turn awry and lose the name of action.

Need I repeat? I am still in Huntsville, unable to freely communicate or be with the person who’s company I feel I can’t do without while at the same time have lost the wind in my sails to go after the one thing that I woke up for.

Quit the Grill and I’m all the better for it.

Just ran across this on a blog of a friend of a friend…

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.” The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it impossible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. “What’s wrong, are you well,” she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. “I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.” She thought about it for a moment, and then said, “I would like that very much.” That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s. “I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,” she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.” We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy.My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. “It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said.”Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life.We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.” I agreed.”How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home. “Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: “I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.” At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: “I LOVE YOU” and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till “some other time.”

I hate being right all the time

I think I know what Susan Parish/Claire Forlani meant the other day when she said

Susan Parish/Claire Forlani

I see things.

This requires some explaining. See, Chris and I went to Waffle King Saturday night. We bumped into Sunni, Wess, Jeff and Melisa. After greeting them (cause we didn’t expect to walk in with them there) Chris and I got a table across the building. During our discourse, the subject of male asininity came up. Chris made the comment that even for a guy I was rather asinine.

I decided right then and there that I needed to take a poll of my peers to see if this was an accurate assessment.

Tomas

Chris and I were having a discussion which has lead to the need to take a poll. I am of the opinion that men are asinine in general.

Jeff, Wess

(nodding)

Of course.

Tomas

Chris is of the opinion that I am asinine even for being a guy. What is your opinon?

Sunni

Yes!

Tomas

You’re my new hero.

Sunni

I can see the obvious.

So you see, I think that Susan Parish/Claire Forlani was saying the same thing in her own words.

And now a word from our sponsor…
Ok, so you all know that work’s been shitty the past week. What you don’t know is what exactly is happening.

So Dragonfly quit, as we all know. I signed up for all her hours, but they never got transferred to me in the computer. SO…no one knows what the hell is going on. They finally decided that after sending me home ungodly early Saturday, they wanted me back at 1600. Ok fine. I show up, and we have 6 people doing the job of 2.5 Ridiculious. Bugged outta there around 2100 (at lest I think that’s what it was) and so was satisfied that I got to charge for the time and it somehow didn’t seem a total waste of a day. Until Sunday came.

Yesterday was a bitch and a half. I came in for two––count them: one, two––hours yesterday morning and they wanted to send me on yet another 3+ hour break. Fine. I’ll make up the hours that evening, right? In the words of Will Smith, “AH, HELL NO.” I came back another two hours. I tied up eight fucking hours to serve them and what’s the thanks I get? Being phased out.

This morning was no better. Originally, I was supposed to be there at 0700. But when I finally got someone to go to the office with me and try to fix things, they decided I didn’t need to be in until 0930. Keep in mind that due the scheduling cluster-fuck, I was in all reality scheduled for 60 hours this week. Well, I climbed outta bed late…I was sleep-snoozing the alarm clock and not reading my watch correctly in my stupor. Suffice it to say that it didn’t help employer relations any. But then again, I figure that one good turn deserves another. After an hour and a half, they wanted me to go home and not come back till 1800.

Now I may be stupid, but I’m not dumb. This isn’t employment, it’s being pimped out. I am not a hoe to be pimped. But that’s ok because I was ready for all of this. See the next section entitled:

The Ace Up My Sleeve
Yesterday afternoon, Reggie and I got to talking and we decided that since he’s going to grad school at UCLA next fall, we’d go out after the first of December to LA and scout the land, he to learn more about his new home and I to find a new job if not a foot-hold on the film industry. Tickets (including staying at a four-star hotel [at least according to Priceline's rating system] which, ironically enough was cheaper then some the one and two star locations) came out to $518 per person. That’s for 4 nights and round trip plane tickets from HSV to LAX. We’d leave Dec. 13 and get back in town the morning of the 17/18 depending on what we decide.

Once I had that information, I finally signed up for IMDB Pro since I found someone who worked on the The Visitation who is operating a business not unlike Blue Portal in the San Fran area. I also looked up the contact info of some of the big players in the industry…might just have to give them a call and see if they can give me a job. It’s worth a shot, no?

The idea behind going out to LA is to secure a job and place to live. I’d come back, gather my shit, and move. The next step would be to get into film. Ideally, I’d be able to kill two birds with one stone and get a job in the film industry on my first trip to the big city. Time will tell.

Hey Jude or Eric d00d
Whilst talking to Reggie last night, I mentioned transferring to the Macaroni Grill out in LA. So we were perusing the Macaroni Grill site looking at job opportunities. Since we have two of our managers leaving at the end of this month, of course there was an application for management of our restaurant. Reggie started filling out the application and we had a good laugh about it.

I went back to the site this morning to really check on LA. Found an IT position in Dallas that doesn’t require a degree. Think I’ll apply for it. It’s not LA and it’s not film, but it is somewhere between the two and Dad always said shoot for the moon and you’ll hit something. Ironic how, if that opportunity works out, I’d be moving into your old stomping grounds, no, Eric? Perhaps I could get to meet Tony.