July 11, 2006

• Drax0r’s Rant in D Minor

  

  I’ve asked drax0r to guest post for me. Here is what was on his mind.

  I’ll preface this by saying that I probably spend too much time at 7-11. I think that 7-11 is bested only by KFC’s Famous Bowls on the scale of human achievement. A wide selection of products laid out in a sensible format, ice cold soda, piping hot coffee, fresh deli foods trucked in under cover of darkness as to be ready to greet the earliest of risers, a dizzying array of hot dogs (complete with free chili and cheese,) doughnuts, toilet paper, deodorant, condoms, and candy all under one roof. Oh thank heaven.

  Being a temple of convenience that puts all other pretenders to shame, I tend to visit the 7-11 near my house once or twice a day to stock up on necessary provisions. Sure I pay a little more, but the added cost is justified by my ability to get in an out in a minimum amount of time with everything I need.

  Divergence from this expedience, gentle readers, is in fact the very reason for this posting.

  I don’t particularly want to single out a particular socioeconomic group, and trust that when I do so, its not a function of prejudice, but of a logical connection, made over the course of many observations, of people whose sole offense is the one that vexes me here, also coincidentally share a common group of social and ethnic properties.

  That being said, these damned Mexican day laborers are starting to piss me off. Completely independent of my political views on illegal immigration and undocumented workers lies a nagging frustration that revolves around my desire to stop in to 7-11 on my way to work, do what I came to do, and leave.

  Often, when I’m in a rush and don’t want to make a separate stop for food en route to work, I’ll just grab a bland, overpriced 7-11 sandwich from the cooler, toss it in the microwave for 30 seconds, and eat in the car. Even with a stop at the ATM, this sort of visit should not take more than 2 and a half minutes. It should not, but often does, thanks to Pablo and his 19 friends who come to my 7-11, pile out of a landscaping truck like it was a clown car, and infiltrate my haven of consumerism. They mill about and wait, chattering away in bad Tex-Mex Spanglish while they reheat the beans and tamales they brought from home. I can’t imagine why they think that buying a can of coke for 59 cents would justify the use of the microwave for, I shit you not, 5 minutes. Each.

  If it were just one guy doing this, I would likely just roll my eyes and dismiss it, but when Paco is finished exorcising every last water molecule out of his leftovers with the industrial magnetron, Juan, Jose, Carlos, Pancho, Miguel, Luis, and Ramon all step up, canned coke in hand, to do the same.

  I don’t have time for this. I can’t buy a $4 sandwich and microwave it for 30 seconds because the entire Mexican Olympic team (everyone who could swim, run or jump) is queued up before me to cook stuff they didn’t even buy at 7-11!

  Ok. My blood pressure is up. Forgive my outburst, but this really gets to me…

  OH! And another thing!

  Now that I’ve blasted that particular stereotype, allow me to turn my cannon to another target; one much closer to home.

  Ignorant, slack-jawed, mullet-headed, flip-flop wearing, 4 tooth having, white trash morons holding up the line while they peruse the scratch-off lottery ticket selection really get under my skin too.

  I’ll save that rant for another day, but seriously, if you’re one of these people who spend 5 minutes trying to figure out what combination of scratch offs you can get with the $6 you just won from another scratch off, please just go to the store, lay a $20 bill on the counter, have the clerk slap you in the face, and leave. The other customers will certainly thank you AND you’ll be able to get back to your trailer early enough that you won’t miss the first few minutes of Springer.

  • 5:07 pm
  • 11 Comments