I just saw the Oscar nominations. This is going to be a shitty year.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very
Mad World, Mad World

Enlargen your world
Mad World

Eric and I had a talk last night. See, for the longest time, I’ve been told that I lack the discipline to do anything. In fact, I think that is a relatively true statement. I dropped out of college twice, have numerous unfinished writing projects, in debt up to my eyes (and beyond!) and have too many shattered dreams, hopes and visions. Those that could be reality (a couple of books I have been aching to turn into film for quite some time) are far, far away, or so it seems. It seems that it will take another person who thinks and acts like me but who can focus and persevere.

I don’t know what it is. I just look at a project and go, “I know I can do it, but I don’t want to expend the energy.” It’s not a lazy thing. It’s a futility thing.

And now I’m having insomnia again just thinking about what is to come. Two jobs, 7 days a week, though I am thinking about revising that schedule just a bit and forcing an off day in there to retain my sanity and give me a chance to see the latest cinema.

I don’t know what it is about me. It is loathsome and burdensome to me at this moment to return you lovely people’s comments. I don’t want to blog. In fact, you will probably never hear about this Christmas or New Year’s for the same reason.

Eric says this behavior/attitude is normal and that it comes and goes. He says I will find my focus sooner rather then latter. I used to be such a focused individual. Now the world around me could go to hell and I couldn’t care less so long as my comfort was provided.

But I’m a hopeless Romantic. I always have been and always will be. Maybe that is because I am on the non-experienced side of that thing called love. Maybe it is because my dreams are larger then life. But I think I know what it is going to take to get me to focus. And the most frustrating thing about all of this is that I can’t do a damned thing to hasten the arrival of this event or marker in [my personal] history:

I need a Living Inspirational co-Existence.