January 3, 2007
-
Eric and I had a talk last night. See, for the longest time, I’ve been told that I lack the discipline to do anything. In fact, I think that is a relatively true statement. I dropped out of college twice, have numerous unfinished writing projects, in debt up to my eyes (and beyond!) and have too many shattered dreams, hopes and visions. Those that could be reality (a couple of books I have been aching to turn into film for quite some time) are far, far away, or so it seems. It seems that it will take another person who thinks and acts like me but who can focus and persevere.
I don’t know what it is. I just look at a project and go, “I know I can do it, but I don’t want to expend the energy.” It’s not a lazy thing. It’s a futility thing.
And now I’m having insomnia again just thinking about what is to come. Two jobs, 7 days a week, though I am thinking about revising that schedule just a bit and forcing an off day in there to retain my sanity and give me a chance to see the latest cinema.
I don’t know what it is about me. It is loathsome and burdensome to me at this moment to return you lovely people’s comments. I don’t want to blog. In fact, you will probably never hear about this Christmas or New Year’s for the same reason.
Eric says this behavior/attitude is normal and that it comes and goes. He says I will find my focus sooner rather then latter. I used to be such a focused individual. Now the world around me could go to hell and I couldn’t care less so long as my comfort was provided.
But I’m a hopeless Romantic. I always have been and always will be. Maybe that is because I am on the non-experienced side of that thing called love. Maybe it is because my dreams are larger then life. But I think I know what it is going to take to get me to focus. And the most frustrating thing about all of this is that I can’t do a damned thing to hasten the arrival of this event or marker in [my personal] history:
I need a Living Inspirational co-Existence.
Comments (12)
This is a beautiful blog.
i cannot emphasize that enough.
Sadly, i must report that the event you await will not provide the desired result.
I know wtf imma talking about….
waiting to hear personally about X mas +
I like legend’s.
I’m a hopeless Romantic. I always have been and always will be.
You have no idea what you will be. Trust me on this one.
I am thinking of a certain athlete that has a book called “the man, the myth, the legend.”
Not sure.
Save who?
~Jack
Good post Tomas. *nods*
If you haven’t noticed, I prefer the post’s like this one, in which your being honest, truthful, and seeming to speak from the heart.
I agree with Eric. Your lack of ambition will reset and off you’ll go again like a little whirl wind in your own dimention.
I gotta tell ya, it seems like every time I go to work my fellow co-worker seem like you, always down and no reason to keep going.
Every time I remind them to keep going, it is all worth it in the end. True it sucks right now but that is life, you should have learned this by now. I mean if anything I myself wasn’t in a good mood until the new year began, but something in me just clicked, I am happy again. Can’t tell you why exactly there is a lot wrong in the world but just the fact that no matter how old you get EVERYONE still has a chance at life and living and fulfilling their own dreams.
My advice to you is get organized. Get your life together go after those films and get it done, you will feel better and you will put yourself on the map.
I can’t stress this enough:
NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!
Nothing eh? Well, I’m sorry but I kinda doubt that I mean the year ended if you really did want something to refect upon it would have been 2006 or whatever.
At least you aren’t depressed.
I might have to.
~Jack
the fact that you’re waiting on a co-exsistance only shows a needless dependance and a prerequisite for success. although, in my opinion, you cannot achieve goals if you are awaiting an event that cannot be predicted. besides, love is overrated. i say, if it happens–it happens, and if not–tell it to go screw itself and that you have more important things to worry about(because thats the truth). dont wait on other people, ‘if you want something done right you have to do it yourself’ — better stated would be ‘if you want something done at all you have to do it yourself’. and dont give me that ‘i know, i know–its just…’ — bull! when i get home, ill kick your arse so bad your grandchildren wont sit for a week. how’s that for a motivation? you need a little tough love. i will take your computer from you if thats what it takes! not joking! i know where you live little child!
When I feel like its time to kick some arse!