I’ve been craving pot pies for the past good while now and I don’t know why. I’ve satisfied that craving via Col. Sander’s, Marie Currie, Stover’s and Jason’s Deli, but the craving has subsided.

Several months ago, I won $15 in gift certificates to Schwan’s in a drawing at work. I have never ordered from them before and reading over the literature did not make it clear if I could order over the internet without first setting up an account with the local rep.

Our Schwan’s guy quit, so we got a new one. Two weeks ago, I decided I’d cash in on the gift certificates. I order a single box of turkey pot pies. My understanding was that the pies would arrive this week, so when I left two weeks ago I thought “I’ll go on vacation and then the pies will come.”

This was not to be the case.

The Schwan’s man came around today and asked if I would like to order this week. I declined and asked him if my pies were on the truck this week. He said, “no, I left them here last time when you ordered.”

“Well that’s odd” I thought and went off to check the freezer.

We have on of those beer cooler type freezers with the lid on top, much like you’d see someone put beef or venison in to keep it for after the close of hunting season. I dug and dug but couldn’t find my pies. Several of the bags had people’s names on them, but there wasn’t a bag that had a single box that was pot pies. Even whester helped me look, but to no avail.

Finally, I found a bag that belonged to someone else that had a box of pot pies. I went and asked her if she had order pot pies herself. “No.” she said. “Go ahead and take them. They aren’t mine.”

When I went back and pulled the box out, my name was on the front.

The whole time I could have had my pot pies for lunch, working through to get more accomplished…like I planned to do next week.

Last night I didn’t go to sleep until a little after 0300 for various reasons, mostly because I had a good night last night at my part-time job and am enjoying the promotion. Curiously, I woke up at 0700 this morning.

I had planned to get up and go to Walmart to get a few much-needed items before coming into work a few minutes early so I could get some installs done. As I made the turn onto the road where I would turn to come into the commercial zone, I was pulled over by a cop that was in the opposite lane at the opposite light.

This officer was a young guy and seemed like he was new. His presentation though professional was perfunctory and stilted. I was meek and said little, deflated that my day was ruined straight out of the shoot.

I turned down the Dark Knight score that I had been enjoying on the ride in.

The officer asked for my license and insurance, went back to his car and wrote me a ticket.

While he was in his car, I remembered the speech from driving class back in February: “Just ask. You never know. If you’re contrite and courteous, you could save yourself a ticket.”

I definitely needed saving. The student loans kicked in this month and money is about to be tighter then it ever has been with the minimum wage going up and while I was waiting for the officer to return, I panicked that this ticket would not only make my insurance skyrocket, but it might cost me my part-time job. The money has been good lately and I can’t afford to lose it.

The officer came back, told me when my court date was and asked me to sign. Then I did something that I have never done: I timidly begged the officer to let this one slide.

At first he hesitated, saying that he had already filled out the citation and had I asked him before…

Dejected, I picked up the pen to sign.

“Please?” I pleaded. “I was just trying to get to work.”

“When do you have to be there?”

“Eight-thirty.” I fibbed, as I was trying to get a jump on the day and had planned to be in by 0830. “The turn off is the next road up.”

“Okay. I can let it go this time. Have a good day.”

I shook hands with the officer, collected my license and came into work still shaking nervously, but with a cheesier grin and a Joker-esque laugh.

I’m one lucky bastard.

Run xeyes.

Astound your friends and Apple store employees by running xeyes!

I was in the Bridge Street Barnes & Noble over the weekend, reading as much as I could for free, the best way to enjoy periodicals. I picked up MacWorld and read this tip:

Type /usr/X11/bin/xeyes & at the X11 command-line prompt, and you’ll open xeyes…

As the Apple store was just behind Barnes & Noble, there was no way I was going to wait to try out this little trick. I walked right in to the the black Mac Books, executed the command, maximized the application and walked out gleefully giggling like a schoolgirl while the concierges tried to pick their jaws up off of the floor.

I walked into the office today after my week long vacation. I jack-jawed for quite some time about The Dark Knight which is now as of the time of this writing #1 on IMDB’s Top 250 list. Sadly, there is no report of World-Wide box office, but domestically the film brought in $158 million domestically. According to WEEN, The Dark Knight set records, but these numbers are a lot lower then what I thought they would be or what I thought the current record was.

After catching up with the Joneses as it were, I entered my office and was greeted with this:

My office was decorated in a Joker-esque theme

which immediately reminded me of something that consumedbyOne had posted a while back.

As an added bonus, I officially became a Level 2 technician after fifteen months of hard work.

Suffice it to say, I feel loved.

This is a complimentary movie review of The Dark Knight for ehowton:

Yes, The Dark Knight is currently rated at #4 on IMDB’s top 250 list as of the time of this writing with an average user rating of 9.7. The Dark Knight is a very serious movie, not a comedy. No, The Dark Knight does not star Steve Martin.

George Lucas did not produce, write or direct this film.

The writing is tight, though the dialog could use a bit of work in a few places.

Despite it’s popularity, you will not like this movie. Please make a point not to see it.

Once upon a time, there was a blubbery walrus named Ruby Continue reading →

I was going to make a post tonight entitled, “Gettin’ Fucked”, but through a breathtaking turn of events, something that said would never happen has happened: I’ve been banned from his site!

For those of you who would like to join in the impending orgy, please point your browsers to http://ehowton.livejournal.com/205988.html and leave a comment cheering the old boy on! Anonymous commenting is allowed at the time of this writing and no doubt would be encouraged.

Please join the orgy now before it’s too late!

Continue reading →

New Flash! Rubi was recently seen purchasing a new hybrid car in order to keep her ice shelf from melting. Just before the snap, one photographer was heard cajoling, “Rubi, show us your tusks!“

Ruby had heard about a princess walrus on another ice shelf halfway around the world named Rubi. Rubi’s fame and beauty was well known the globe around. Ruby wanted to be beautiful and graceful like Rubi was rumored to be, despite Ruby’s lack of natural beauty and clumsy nature. So Ruby had an idea: she’d write Rubi a letter!

Rubi wrote Ruby back with many words and told her many things to do. “First” Rubi wrote, “You must be vain and flaunt your beauty. Give up nothing, that’s your duty! Righteous hatred you must claim for those who would seek your fame.” Wrote Rubi, “A new song is a must, your tired old tune has begun rust.” And with that, Rubi concluded her letter:

I am woman, hear me roar
I am woman, not a whore!

Ruby tried to be vain, but this gained her no points. Ruby sang the new song, but crooned no lovers. Meanwhile, Rubi sat in her palace thinking “My God, what a ditz!”

As for Banjo, it turned out that he wasn’t a musician at all. In fact, he couldn’t play any instrument. He was a scientist performing an experiment collecting data on walruses. He published his results and never returned to the ice shelf.

The events depicted in this work are fiction. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is coincidence. No similarity to actual persons living or dead is intended or should be inferred. ©2008 schpydurx. All rights reserved.